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Posts Tagged ‘desire to be with Jesus’

Lord, you always give me justice when I bring a case before you.   So let me bring you this complaint:  Why are the wicked so prosperous?  Why are evil people so happy?  You have planted them, and they have taken root and prospered.  Your name is on their lips, but you are far from their hearts.  But as for me, Lord, you know my heart.  You see me and test my thoughts.  Drag these people away like sheep to be butchered!  Set them aside to be slaughtered!

How long must this land mourn?  Even the grass in the fields has withered.  The wild animals and birds have disappeared because of the evil in the land.  For the people have said, “The Lord doesn’t see what’s ahead for us!”

“If racing against mere men makes you tired, how will you race against horses?  If you stumble and fall on open ground, what will you do in the thickets near the Jordan?  Even your brothers, members of your own family, have turned against you.  They plot and raise complaints against you.  Do not trust them, no matter how pleasantly they speak.”  Jeremiah 12:1-6

Hello, my friends.  It has been a very long time since I’ve sat down to write.  I’m sorry and hope you’ll forgive me.  God finally showed me a month or more ago why I couldn’t write anything on my blog lately…I have been going through a pruning season and have needed this time to re-focus on God, His Word and His Will.  I can’t claim that I’m perfectly there, but hey, its a season that we all go through from time to time, even the most seasoned Christians out there.  In any case. 

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.  You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.  Remain in me, and I will remain in you.   No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine.  Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.  John 15:1-4

Life is overall better.  I’ve allowed God control of my situation, though I still at times try to take control back, I won’t kid you.  Though still separated from my husband, we are beginning to get things worked out.  In fact, my lease will be up at the end of April and I will once again venture to live with him again.  We will have our fourth child in the middle of April so life is taking quite a few unexpected turns, but I’ve accepted them.  God knows what is best.

The most refreshing news, I think, is that the Lord has really worked in my heart and much of the resentment that drove me is mostly gone.  Praise God for His glorious work in me.  There are still scars that need messaged every once in a while and sometimes bitterness seeps back in, but that happens few and far between.  My husband has done a 180 and is coming back the other way.  He has acknowledged his horrible treatment of me in the beginning and is starting to show remorse for his behavior towards me and even more importantly towards our oldest child.  As most women will understand, I can handle the injustices towards me better than towards my children.

But, enough about that…lets talk about the above text in Jeremiah and why it is on my heart today (well the last few weeks to be precise).  First I’ll type in the notes from my study bible…

Note on verses 1-6

Many people have asked, “why are the wicked so prosperous?”  (See, for example, Job 21:4-21 and Habakkuk 1:1-4.)  Jeremiah knew that God’s justice would ultimately come, but he was impatient because he wanted justice to come quickly.  God didn’t give a doctrinal answer; instead, he gave a challenge:  If Jeremiah couldn’t handle this, how would he handle the injustices ahead?  It is natural for us to demand fair play and cry for justice against those who take advantage of others.  But when we call for justice, we must realize that we ourselves would be in big trouble if God gave each of us what we truly deserve. 

Note on verses 5, 6

Life was extremely difficult for Jeremiah despite his love for and obedience to God.  When he called to God for relief, God’s reply in effect was, “If you think this is bad, how are you going to cope when it gets really tough?”  God’s answers to prayer are not always nice or easy to handle.  Any christian who has experienced war, bereavement, or a serious illness knows this.  We are to be committed to God even when the going gets tough and when our prayers for relief are not immediately answered.

I’ve oftentimes thought of this text during my struggles in these past several years, and know it doesn’t sound very comforting to think that things will get worse.  But, God has never promised to eliminate our hardships, only that He will be there with us as we walk through them.  In the past year and a half, the only real desire I have had was to ‘go home’ with the Lord.  I’m tired of this life, of trying to figure things out, of trying to do God’s will and continually failing at every turn and in between the turns.  I’m just tired.  I’ve often asked God ‘why?’  As far as a typical day goes, most of the time I feel life is meaningless.  The only thing that really matters is God. 

I spoke with a dear sister this weekend and my conversation with her touched on all this and that is why I’m writing about it today, it is fresh on my mind.  As I told her, the only thing that really matters is that God knows my heart, He knows I am tired and just don’t want to be here anymore, and He knows that I know that He is God.  I’ve asked God to take me home, but I remain.  I have recognized that God is God and have kept Him in the proper place but that doesn’t take away these feelings.  As I encouraged my sister, in times like these, as long as we are real and keep God in His proper place in our lives – leaving God as God – then we are not wrong to be tired, or to want to go home with Him.  Being completely transparent with God and yet acknowledging God makes us humble by default.  It shines the spotlight on how futile life really is unless all things are done for God and through God.  Everything, absolutely everything in life should be done for the glory of God. 

I can’t say that I understand what God really meant when He answered Jeremiah.  I know that I certainly don’t want to ‘race against horses.’  Life has already been exhausting enough, I certainly don’t want more of the same.  Yet, I believe that God has me here for a reason still and that I have to learn that every moment of my life depends solely on the grace of the Lord. 

I was thinking this morning about my ‘plight.’  All of my life, and I would venture to guess that this is the case for most of us, I have lived in my ‘comfort zone.’  In fact, I can look back and see that I never want to leave my comfort zones, especially the older I get and each time I move into a new level of comfort, it is because God has uprooted me and I’ve settled in another plot, so to speak.  God has never wanted me to stay in my comfort zone.  At each stage, I’ve been forced out and then I’d settle, then I’d be forced out again, and resettle.  It would be so much easier if I would just let God plant me instead of making Him uproot me every so often to do His will, things would be much easier on me.  But, no, I’m rather hard headed and pretty darn stubborn about doing things my way. 

Well, I don’t have much more time today, so I’ll have to finish writing for now.  I’m sorry my thoughts are rather hodgepodge today, and it is my prayer, as always, that God will use me to reach those who need to hear what He has to say.  I know that even when I may not make sense, God’s spirit can help you understand and know what He is trying to tell you. 

Search me, O God, and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts.  Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.  Psalm 139:23-24  I give my body to You because of all You have done for me.  Let my body be a living and holy sacrifice – the kind You will find acceptable.  This is truly the way to worship You.  I won’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but I will let You transform me into a new person by changing the way I think.  Then I will learn to know Your will for me, which is good and pleasing and perfect.  Romans 12:1-2  Amen.

May God provide the increase.

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