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Posts Tagged ‘Jesus is all I need’

And one shall say,
“Heap it up! Heap it up!
Prepare the way,
Take the stumbling block out of the way of My people.”

For thus says the High and Lofty One
Who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy;
“I dwell in the high and holy place,
With him who has a contrite and humble spirit,
To revive the spirit of the humble,
And to revive the heart of the contrite ones.
For I will not contend forever,
Nor will I always be angry;
For the spirit would fail before Me,
And for the souls which I have made.
For the iniquity of his covetousness
I was angry and struck him;
I hid and was angry,
And he went on backsliding in the way of his heart.
I have seen his ways, and will heal him;
I will also lead him,
And restore comforts to him
And to his mourners.

“I create the fruit of the lips:
Peace, peace to him who is far off and to him who is near,”
Says the Lord,
“And I will heal him.” – Isaiah 57:14-19

Praise God that He heals us. There isn’t a single one of us that can say that we have lived a perfectly glorifying to the Lord and His kingdom kind of life. I for one have failed greatly. I must confess, I have backslid. I was on a downward spiral for over the past 5 years, with each passing moment clinging to what once was a much idolized conviction base and is now cast asunder.

The quick update of all these passing years: I am now a single, divorced mother of five young saplings (have been for over a year). Life is generally just as tough, but it is a different kind of tough. Now, instead of dealing with all the crud of a controlling husband and trying to be the perfect “love your husband to God” wife, I am trying to keep my head above the water being a good example of a Christian, a good mom and ever leaning on the Lord woman for my kids. I fail miserably everyday showing my children how a woman of God and Christian woman should be, but I will not give up.

I’m back to examining ALL of my convictions and beliefs. I’m back to scrutinizing my lack of building a relationship with my Lord. I desire a deep, soul wrenching relationship with the Lord and I can only get it when I put in the effort. So, here’s to starting over again. From henceforth, this blog and anything that I write will no longer be about my efforts to be the good wife, but to be a good mother. My daily struggles with the kids, with being poverty stricken, with working my 2 jobs and various side jobs. This will be about me striving to create the ministry that the Lord gave to me in a vision 7 years ago. This will be about who I am, where I’m going and how I’m doing. I realize that much of the past was venting and healing and coping for me. I realize that it’ll still be that, but my life has taken a huge turn. Life isn’t any easier, only less emotionally charged.

Today, I’ll just say that I am exceedingly thankful that the Lord has promised to “restore comforts to him.” One thing that I miss greatly is the companionship, even though it was nearly non-existent in my marriage. Being a divorced woman, I now come with a stigma that I can’t really explain. And with 5 kids, it is unlikely that any man would want to deal with all the ready made challenges that come with me. This and all things can be fulfilled with the Lord himself, “‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘Therefore I hope in Him!'” Lamentations 3:24.  It would be nice to have someone to walk through this life with, to share my daily experiences with, to help me, to anchor me, to let me cry on his shoulder, but Jesus is all that I need and reflecting on the scriptures will help me understand this to an even greater and deeper sense and fulfill my longing for a relationship.

Relationships! Ah, to go into depth about what the Lord has been teaching me regarding that…but that is for another day, another post.

I’m not going to write much today as it is the first day in many years, but I’ll leave with this, “Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because compassions fail not.”  Lamentations 3:19

The note in my bible (NKJV study bible for women) says this,

God’s faithfulness is commitment on His part and is as dependable as the scheduled appearances of the sun and moon (Ps. 89:2, 5, 36, 37).  When you wake up in the morning, God will always be there. Family and friends may disapoint; heroes and heroines may fail to live up to expectations. Nevertheless, God is ever faithful.

The root meaning of faithfulness (Heb. ’emunah) is “certainty” and “dependability.” Faithfulness describes who God is, (1 Cor  1:9). No matter what you do, God cannot be unfaithful because He cannot deny Himself (2 Tim. 2:13).  He is steadfast and trustworthy. He keeps his promises (Heb. 10:23).

God’s presence is assured, even if you are unaware of it (Matt. 28:20).  His faithfulness is experienced in His protection (2 Thess. 3:3), mercy (Ps. 89:2), preservation (1 Thess. 5:23, 24), love (Rom. 8:35-39), and discipline (Ps. 89:32, 33); it is revealed in all His promises (Josh. 23:14).  What a comfort and encouragement to experience His faithfulness.

I’m so thankful for God’s goodness, grace and mercy. To think, the one that exists outside of time – the one who “inhabits eternity,” wants me to pursue Him and who pursues me, the one whose name is Holy, the one that gave His one and only son so that I could spend eternity with Him, loves me. Me, the lowliest of low, the undone, the sinful one. I humble my spirit and my heart before the Lord. Today, I begin anew, living a life reflective of the quiet and gentle Spirit of the Lord that lives within. I must have a piece of eternity inside of me, because He inhabits eternity. It is just an awesome thought to wrap my mind around. If this is really so, and the Word is infallible, then I must live my life accordingly, of which, I’m ashamed to say, I have not been doing for quit a long time in my behavior especially. Now is the time, today is the day, to start anew, to show my children what a child of God should be like.

For thus says the High and Lofty One
Who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy;
“I dwell in the high and holy place,
With him who has a contrite and humble spirit,
To revive the spirit of the humble,
And to revive the heart of the contrite ones. Isaiah 57:15

Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

Going forward, I’d like to promise to write at least 1x a week. Probably on the weekend. It will be very hard to write daily as I did when I first started this blog all those years ago. If I find that it is a breeze to sit here among the chaos of 5 kids, then I’ll attempt to write more than 1x a week. Only God knows what He has in store for me with this writing. Only He knows who my words will reach out to. I am just thankful that He has chosen to use me according to His purposes.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24

Grainoffaith

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